Got Worms

The following is an actual conversation I had with my 4 year old daughter today:

Offspring-  Mom, you know what I always wanted but never got?

Me-  A nap?

Offspring-  Worms.

Me-  Plead your case.

Offspring-  I have been good this week since you got new boobs.

Me-  This is true.

Offspring-  We just played Barbies and did art stuff with you for like 58 hours.  I didn’t jump on you, so your boobs wouldn’t shake.

Me-  Thank you for not shaking my boobs.

Offspring-  Some kids slap ‘dem mom’s boobs.

Me-  Really?  I would send you to boarding school.  What are you going to do with worms?

Offspring-  Play with them and then let them go when they feel like dying.

Me-  This philosophy should be applicable to moms.  Where do you get worms?

Offspring-  Wal-Mart.

Me-  I hate Wal-Mart.

Offspring-  Dad likes it.

Me-  I didn’t know that about him when we got married.

Offspring-  I will be extra, extra, extra good and I prayed to God for some worms.

Me-  Worms do sound kind of fun.

Offspring-  They need a habitat.

Me-  What kind of “habitat”?

Offspring-  BPA free Tupperware with hole pokes.

Me-  BP what?

Offspring-  Duh, chemicals mom.

Muhahahahahaha!   My plan is working nicely.  My daughters are never going to trust me to watch my future grandchildren based on their horrid childhoods and feigned ignorance so I am planning on spending my golden years in leisure.  I wonder if I can book cruise tickets thirty years in advance for a discount.  XO


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