Broc- GOD!!! Nice to see you again! (Runs up to God to smell crotch)
God- Broccoli! You returned right on schedule! You lived a long life on earth my friend. I don’t envy you. (God chuckles and scratches him on head)
Broc- Well, I did what I could with Erin. I felt bad leaving her, but the lesson of loss was last on the curriculum assigned to me. I watched her when my soul left, she was crushed. She doesn’t remember that returning to source is a joyous, sacred occasion. (A picture of me curled up in bed sobbing flashes on one of God’s super expensive hologram TVs)
God- I have been watching her. She is taking your death hard, but you did well with her. You managed to bring her closer to me than any human has! You taught her beauty comes in all different disguises. I covered you with fat lumps, made you shed and drool, arranged for you to go live with her when you were 12 in human years, your red rocket was always hanging out and gave you the most horrendous gas on the planet. Well, to date anyway….screen flashes to Kim Jung Un. (God rolls eyes) To her, you were the most beautiful creature to ever grace the earth. AND you taught her to sit! She would lay there with you for hours after I flipped the “off switch” on your hips.
Broc- (Laughing, slaps knee with paw) Erin was loyal and kind to me to my last breath. She definitely needs more training though. She still pulls hard against her earth leash and barks at members of her own pack, especially when she is about to go into heat.
God- (Laughs, tosses Broc a dog treat and drums fingers on gold trimmed, mahogany desk) I know, she is an exhausting one. Humans are interesting. If they would only learn to let others smell their butts and move on, their suffering would greatly diminish. Everyday, I see them arguing over politics, football, money, who “stole so and so’s man.” Don’t even get me started on their their inability to master homonyms. I made a beautiful world for them to explore and play in and yet…
Broc- (Licking his butt) Right before I left, she asked me to send her a new teacher when I thought she was ready. I think she needs one sooner than later. Perhaps a dog who will teach her the art of being fully present and how to set boundaries?
God- (Winks) I will see what I can do. Now, Broccoli if you head on over to the rainbow, you will see a gorgeous purebred golden retriever who just died from parvo. Go get her buddy. I returned all your parts. (God winks)
Broc- (Looks down at his junk) THEY ARE BACK! Thanks God! (Tears off over the clouds)
MEANWHILE BACK ON EARTH
I am sitting in my car in the grocery store parking lot crying hysterically because I miss Broc so much it hurts to breathe. I throw on a hat and sunglasses so no one will recognize me as I run in to buy some cream. I cut up the diaper aisle.
“ERIN?” I turn around. I feign excitement through my depression. “Oh, Hi! I haven’t seen you forever. How are you?” “Oh not so good,” he says… “We have to find a home for our German Shepherd.” She needs so much exercise and my wife is allergic to her. Would you like to see a picture?”
Enter Lucy. XO