Yesterday, I finished working out with #PaleoJesus (my personal trainer, to whom I awarded this moniker after I decided he probably adhered to a strict Paleo diet and is totes …

A few days ago I took my kids to the park and they discovered the remains of a raccoon that had obviously been shanked by some gang member coyotes. Kids: …
Roller skates were first patented by Belgium inventor John Joseph Merlin in 1760. Three hundred and fifty years later people are still fucking themselves up because of this asshole. Last …
Yesterday I sent Mike a racy text at work. He never responded. I just shrugged my shoulders and thought “Sweeeeet, now I don’t look like the bad guy since I …
This past weekend my family invaded Arizona. My family and vacationing is predictably hysterical every time we go ANYWHERE. First, the girls insist on packing their own suitcases which means …