Yesterday, I finished working out with #PaleoJesus (my personal trainer, to whom I awarded this moniker after I decided he probably adhered to a strict Paleo diet and is totes …
Fairy Hell
A few days ago I took my kids to the park and they discovered the remains of a raccoon that had obviously been shanked by some gang member coyotes. Kids: …
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
Roller skates were first patented by Belgium inventor John Joseph Merlin in 1760. Three hundred and fifty years later people are still fucking themselves up because of this asshole. Last …
Dysfunctional
Yesterday I sent Mike a racy text at work. He never responded. I just shrugged my shoulders and thought “Sweeeeet, now I don’t look like the bad guy since I …
The World’s Biggest Organ
This past weekend my family invaded Arizona. My family and vacationing is predictably hysterical every time we go ANYWHERE. First, the girls insist on packing their own suitcases which means …